I hold this letter in my hand
A plea, a petition, a kind of prayer
I hope it does as I have planned
Losing her again is more than I can bear
I kiss the cold, white envelope
I press my lips against her name
Two hundred words. We live in hope
The sky hangs heavy with rain
It’s been a bad run, I’ve had a bad run. But, all this will change soon though. I can feel that wave coming, soon it will be what it is, simply a bad run. Project ‘Nowhereville’ will take to the road, and through it’s intended search of lost memories new beginnings will be made, new directions will be found. All that remains is 17 days, and if you would like to add some much needed & much appreciated fuel to the tank, please do so, as I desperately need some assistance in order to make this search possible.
Right, so let’s do this thing, let’s go out and see what we can find, let’s go out and remember…
Some time ago, just before she left for good, we we’re lying in bed, me and her, her and me. I think we might have been listening to those mad pigeons scrambling in the roof again, doing that crazy dance they did, but I can’t be sure anymore. What I do remember is telling her what I wanted to do, how I wanted to capture memories of the world, how I wanted to create something some might possibly find ‘beautiful’. I don’t think I made myself very clear though, incoherently rambling on like I tend to do, I think she thought I was simply being morbid. Anyway.
What I’m trying to get at in a ever so labored way is that this coming summer I’m going to attempt this feat, this impossible, utterly subjective attempt at capturing something a certain few might construe as being ‘beautiful’. I’m going to travel far and wide in search of decaying memories, which is of course intangible by their very nature, but what I’m hoping to do is to give them substance in the form of all those sad and lost places alongside the road. Abandoned houses, crumbling cinemas, empty stations and railway lines, signs of places and lives that where once very tangible indeed. Through these ‘signs’, these places, I hope to give them some form of ‘memory’ again, where it might have completely vanished in time, or is very close to being utterly lost. My latest series ‘Nowhereville’ will be the inspiration for this attempt, because while I think it’s a reasonably good start, it certainly needs some elaboration and possibly a somewhat larger scope, which these travels will hopefully provide.
My plan of action is to fund this leap of faith by means of a crowd funding platform, because, well, unfortunately I’m rather poor and searching for ‘decaying memories’ needs train tickets, film (yep, going full on analog on this one), printing costs, framing, publishing etc, because at the end of the trip I’m planning on self publishing a photo book, and also I’m going to arrange an exhibition or two – which, being an unknown and all will most probably also have to be self financed, hence the printing and framing costs. My supporters will then receive printed frames of their choice, and also a copy of the book as a big ‘thank you’ as I would really like to make them a part of this whole experience, because, I mean, at the end of the day it’s universal memories, not so?
In the coming days and weeks I’ll be sharing more of my intended itinerary, the proper project statement/link, a new portfolio, latest ideas, a possible collaboration I’ve got planned, developments, and so forth. So then, thanks for listening, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice on the matter please give me a shout, it would really be much appreciated as this whole venture is very much new territory for me, and while exciting, it’s also ever so slightly intimidating. If you like, you can also send me your Twitter handle for updates along the way.
Last but not least, I would like to thank a few people for all the superb encouragement they’ve been offering over the months, Marina over at http://marinachetner.com/ , seriously, without her continued support and kick ass attitude I don’t think (know) I would have taken this bold leap. Thanks, Marina. Also, Adrian over at http://eccentric99.wordpress.com for his much needed friendship and enthusiasm, you know I appreciate it, man. And then of course there’s Florian at http://www.hobokollektiv.net/ for those tunes he loves so much, his shared outlook, his inspiration, thanks, brother.
* I’ll also continually be updating this project profile at http://www.behance.net/Cameravagrant
Older again, yet again. Memories as ghostly companions, sorrowful companions. Teasing with brutal longing, cruel with ghastly illusion, and yet, still welcome friends. Another tick on the calendar, another one stubbed out, squashed underneath a yellow fingernail. Blue smoke swaying, drifting towards a tight crack in the window. Cold night greedily grabbing hold, erasing with easy indifference. Faded hope lingers, like final dregs from that good bottle of red, bitter on the tongue, harsh reminder.
Another round coming right up says the spectral companions, another year lies in wait, another broken horizon in store. Bring on that bottle I reply, let’s drink from it, let’s spill on our shirts while shouting at the moon, naked, yet unafraid.
And so it goes.
And so it is, faded and fragmented memories remain. Another story untold. All that’s left, all that remains, her standing in a window before him, vulnerable and true. Birds nesting in the roof above tangled legs, room filling with light and village sounds, seeping in, waking from slumber. Becoming aware, heat from her skin, reminding him of loss.
And so it is.